SEARCHING FOR LIGHT

 ​Paul Duff Testimony

‘What made you become a Christian?’
Before I left school, I had been following the Interdenominational School Fellowship led by an old man.  He led the group even though retired from teaching. I attended the group because what the he said made sense.
I only knew there was a dark spirit world. It never occurred to me there was a world of light, love, liberty and freedom. I thought, how do you find that light?

 A WAY OUT
​The week-end I tried to kill myself I’d just come from visiting a friend.  His family were all Christians. For the first time in my eighteen years I’d been in a Christian environment. I’d spent two days with the family.  They weren’t the perfect family but when they had problems they solved them in a way I’d never seen before. The problems were talked over with love and no anger, no screaming or stinging sarcasm.
I thought, God I now know this can be done, that it is real and I need to do this. That was my motivation for becoming a Christian:

BROKEN
​​ ‘I had an older brother,’ Paul begins his story.   ’and when  I was seven years old, he was invited to a birthday party.  I was the kid in the corner because my brother had to baby-sit me. The teenagers, just to have a bit of fun got out the Ouija board. My life was impacted by that ‘bit of fun’ over the next few years with a lot of demonic activity. I became aware of a spirit world, it seemed a black world – evil – because of that night.  I recognized this spirit world and thought it all bad, hateful.
I was now ten years old and already a broken personality. My family life was highly dysfunctional my parents told me there was no such thing as love.  I grew into an angry, swearing, hateful person who  would steal his grandmother’s socks. Nobody wanted to know me.

A LESSON IN GRACE
​The teacher, Mr Nankarrow, turned around and saw half the class watching me.
‘Paul, bring that to me,’ he said.
I took it to him, showed him the cartoon.
‘Where are the notes?’
‘I didn’t do them, they were too boring.’
‘Paul, you know what is going to happen?’
Remember this is 1968 and caning is still practiced.
‘Yes.  You’re going to send me to the office and I’m going to get the cane.  You’re going to send a note home to Mum.’
‘No. I’ve tried that so many times and it hasn’t worked. No! I’m going to do something different.’
‘O-K. ‘   I wondered what that different was going to be and felt very wary. Mr. Nankarrow had my full attention now.
‘What we are going to do,  Paul, is you are going to go back to your desk and write up the notes and whatever time is left over I will give you a stick of chalk and you can show the class how you draw cartoons.’
‘Really, Sir?’
Absolutely.’
I raced back to my desk and scribbled down the worst written notes in the world.  The boy next to me said,
‘What are you doing?’
‘Be quiet, I’m busy,’ I said.
I hurried back to Mr Nankarrow with the notes and five minutes to spare. He couldn’t read them but he kept his word.
‘Books down, Paul is going to show us how he draws cartoons.’ He passed me a stick of chalk.

NEW BEGINNINGS

​I then ran my first workshop in the Banksia Park Primary School. It would be the first of many thousands.
 As I demonstrated to the class, God spoke to me.  There was no doubt in my mind, he spoke to me. It was a life changing moment.
‘Paul,’ the Lord said, ‘nobody who knows you has any hope for you. But I have a hope for you, I have a plan for you, I have a future. If you come with me, I will stay with you and it will involve a lot of cartooning. Today, you’ve learnt the power of Grace, you didn’t deserve it over the justice you did deserve. Paul, I’m all about grace not about what you deserve, but what I want to give you.’ This was the first time God spoke to me, there would be others.
Of course, I ignored God for eight or nine years until a failed suicide attempt.
This was the defining moment. I was outside of the Piccadilly Theatre, North Adelaide, on a bus. At eighteen years of age I had reached rock-bottom and there was nowhere to go except to God.
‘Lord, I can’t do this anymore.  My life is dark with all sorts of horrible things which started when I was seven. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t even kill myself. I don’t know what to do.’
‘Paul,’ the Lord was quick to reply, ‘I’m here for you.  Just remember, I never left you, you left me. If we do this, I don’t do trial runs. It’s all or nothing from today. Let’s do this.’
‘You can have it all,’ I said.  ‘I am nothing, I have nothing to give. You can have all of that’.
For many years of my life, I’d caught that bus and as corny as it sounds, for the first time in my life, I noticed the trees were green, the birds were singing and the sky was blue. I was eighteen years old but had never noticed the colours before.
I had no idea what had happened to me. I’d had no teaching, or training, no Bible before. I went back to do the same old things with the same people in the same old places.  There was a difference though, I didn’t fit in. I felt like a turnip in a fruit salad. It just wasn’t the same anymore. My life changed instantly. All the demonic activity just fled and the darkness immediately lifted. I had been born again on that bus and the year was 1976. 

THE GOOD LIFE

​God had come into my life and changed me completely. I was freaked out. Just prior to the experience on the bus, I had been investigating with my drawing all kinds of dark, weird areas.  God removed all that from me.
The Lord spoke again, ‘Paul, I don’t want you to do anymore drawing until I say so.  When you draw again you will do it for me.’
Eighteen month later, when I was praying, God spoke,
‘Paul I want you to start drawing for me.’
‘OK,’ I said, ‘what will that look like?’ I had no idea what the world of light looked like. I’d only drawn the dark under-world.
Next day I received a phone call from a guy, ‘Paul, I hear you can draw. I’m designing a gospel tract to be used in Estonia. I need such and such a design on the cover Could you do that for me?’
It’s now fifty years later and God has been true to his word. I haven’t always been true to his word but he has been true, faithful and loyal to me.
I’ve drawn a mighty lot of cartoons in that time just as he said I would.
 
 
 
 
 

  2.     No longer – striving fruitlessly. The light we are seeking is a gift. Romans 11: 6 tells us, 'And if it is by God's kindness, then it is not by their being good enough. In that case, the free gift would no longer be free - it isn't free when it is earned.' In his great kindness towards us, God offers us a way out of our darkness. He provides us with inward light that is far brighter than the light of day. His offer is free; we don't have to do anything to earn it or deserve it. We need to consent to and receive God's offer as a way out. This offer is to accept the death and resurrection of his Son Jesus on our behalf. In God's eyes, he takes us as his children.

 3. No longer – a slave to some fetish, fad or shopaholic. Galatians 4: 7 reminds us that often we are a slave to some idea or ambition. 'So you are no longer a slave, but God's child, and since you are his child, God has made you an heir.' In our darkened state, we are helpless slaves to habits, addictions attitudes. When God shines his light into our hearts, we are no longer slaves to these ways of life. He has made us his children. More importantly, God has made us his heirs. Our inheritance is unimaginable.

   4.   No longer – a prey to our emotions and feelings. We have unlimited resources to beat the blues, the emotional highs and lows to enjoy peace, joy and walk away from hate and love those around us. We can live over and above the turmoil of the world, work and family. The Bible says that he will give you the mighty inner strengthening of his Holy Spirit out of his glorious, unlimited resources. Eph. 3: 16 LB. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. You understand how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. You experience the love of Christ, and you are made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
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5.   No longer live for ourselves. God is first in our life. Matthew 22: 37. 'Love the Lord your God with your heart, soul, and mind.'(LB) With God first, we reach out to those around us and spread the love. Because Christ's love controls us now, we have a new life, a free life, not to please ourselves but to please God and for him to be pleased with us.   

 6. No longer live blown about by every thought, trend, fad, or how others may live. I have realized that acceptance of Christ comes from believing that he is. I recognize that when he died, I did as well. And that I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. I am a new person with new aims, goals and lifestyle. The life I now live in the life of Christ. Galatians 2: 20 confirms my testimony, 'I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.'
​

​So I no longer am a slave to this world and its shallowness. My lifestyle is not that of a wowser, a killjoy, but one in which I experience joy, peace, and freedom. A life that doesn't conform to this world. I realize that this world and all it offers is temporary; it only lasts for a moment; sooner or later, I will pass from this world, and what will I have? I have Christ and his unlimited resources for now forever.

The Ivory Tower of Professionalism
 
"Leadership is about empathy. It's about having the ability to relate to and connect with people to inspire and empower their lives," said Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah Winfrey became famous for her talk show; she also became wealthy.  Her secret? She made every person in the audience feel and believe that she understood and walked in their shoes.  Oprah had learnt the secret of empathy, identifying with everyone in her audience.
Oprah's talk show was professional;  she made sure she looked like a god and the giver of all things good. Love her or hate her, she was a success.
She practiced empathy, and it paid off.
"I think professionalism is important, and professionalism means you get paid." wrote Erica Jong.

​SEEKING PROFESSIONALISM
That is why people study hard, work hard, seek to climb the ladder to professionalism.  When they have become professional;   Where are they? Who are they? Have they become people who are so far above suffering humanity that they are unconnected? They are professional machines; they do their job, become financially secure, and live good lives.
They may have acquired a mansion to live in but is it their ivory tower where they can distance themselves from humanity and its pain.
Professionalism allows people to sit in their offices and issue instructions on doing the job.
 Governments created protocols for the treatment of the aged and ill.  Shortcuts are needed if there isn't enough time, and empathetic care is expendable in getting the task done.  That might be acceptable in other trades, but when dealing with suffering humanity, we cannot allot time and expect to take shortcuts when the old and the ill require mental and physical care.
For a true professional, it is tough to connect with hurting, aged, ill and needy people. They can justify themselves by saying I am doing my job and ignore the needy. Professionalism – educated professionalism can retire into the ivory tower of professionalism and ignore the needs of the people under their care.

WHEN PLANS GO ASTRAY
When we are young, we have dreams and aspirations of what we will be and do. The world is our oyster. So we should. If we didn't dream, we would not invent better lifestyles, progress would stagnate, and our civilisation would collapse.  Humanity must dream.
How do we reach our goals, dreams, profession, and successful career?  Do we believe there is one set of rules for us and another for those in our care? Do we think we can go through life only doing what we get paid to do?  Maybe we are doing the job just for the money, and the respect and empathy needed doesn't matter. If so, we need to think very carefully about our career path.
Youth becomes adulthood. Adulthood becomes middle age, retirement follows, and old age is a reality. People plan for old age – where they will be and how they will do it.  What if life has stripped them of the ability to control their bodily functions? Their ability to connect with those around them is impaired? Their sight? Their hearing? Their movement?  What then?
 Old age is inevitable, and no matter how we plan for it, our bodies will weaken, ill-health follow us. We, the carers and professionals, will be dependent on someone else.  What will be our attitude then?

​JUST TOO OLD
The cry of the aged is 'I am  helpless, I am dependent on others, the nurses, the carers.' The aged are in care not because they want to be, and they are now dependent on Professional carers, society and governments for their survival. So why treat them as if their vulnerability is their fault.
 Who inspires in the times of confusion? Empathizes with them? 
The professional carers living the good life in their ivory towers, far removed from the struggling 'oldies', say we will help you; it is an empty promise. They move on to the next task, forget about the need they have just shelved. They never keep their promise.  

​SO THAT'S YOUR  ATTITUDE
When we are young, ideals count; we need affirmation that we are essential. We are concerned with our 'rights'; life doesn't always respect our'  rights' career-wise or professional-wise. Life will ask more of us at one time or another. The professional or career person we become will depend on how we face the curveball that life throws at us.
.If we seek employment in the aged care or health industry, we will not be able to do just our job, and we will have to give of ourselves, and empathy is requisite.
We will need to walk in the shoes of those for whom we care.  If we are in the caring profession, we cannot refuse to do things we don't get paid.  For instance, leaving an older adult sitting in their faeces for even a quarter of an hour is neglect. You say, 'my shift has ended; I don't need to clean them up; the next person can do that.' What would be your attitude if you were in their place?
Human beings may be aged, but they feel shame. When their body has let them down, and they cannot control their bodily functions anymore, another has to clean them. To leave the toilet in a mess because it is not our job is neglect. Would we like to sit on a soiled toilet seat? Would we like to stand and walk in a puddle of urine?  These are the not so noble moments in the aged care profession. To walk in another's shoes, feel with them, empathise with them, care for them, and respect their rights is to keep them clean regardless of our shift end. Empathy might be noble, but it is arduous work and a necessary part of the aged care system.
 There are stressful moments in our lives, and we say things we regret and later for which we apologise. The aged person cannot always express themselves, nor do they always understand the jargon used by the carers. They may be hard of hearing. So what if they snap? It is our' right to be spoken to civilly.' So we enforce our 'rights' and demand 'respect'.  When implementing our rights, remember that the person we deal with has their rights. They have a right to be cared for and respected as humans, not as a job opportunity or as a meal ticket to maintain their lifestyle.
To quote Winston Churchill, 'Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.'

EMPATHY
'Looking at various means of developing compassion, I think empathy is an important factor: the ability to appreciate other's suffering.' Dalai Lama
For instance, Dawn Jennings, Inspiring SA Women's Award Winner. Dawn is a compassionate devoted, and selfless carer who has cared for children since the early 1990s. Dawn has fostered more than 90 babies from her home in Modbury Heights while raising four of her own and is the author of many books.  Dawn has gone beyond just doing her job; she has not insisted on her 'rights' but has walked in another's shoes. Dawn has received a high award, and rightly so, but she didn't foster those babies for the Award.  The Award came because of the sleepless nights, the wiped bottoms, crying, fretful children. Did Dawn volunteer for the job of Foster Mum for the money? She fostered the children to give them life.
Professionals, carers, and bosses refuse to hide in their ivory towers; they refuse to isolate themselves from the populace.  They bend and identify with human needs. They use their professionalism as a gift to help rather than a 'right' or protection. The empathetic professionals are willing to go beyond the call of duty. They are the true professionals and carers, and bosses.
They inspire and empower those around them regardless of age or circumstances.
John Steinbeck says, 'You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.' 
 

 LES WAS A FOSSICKER
 
Les was a fossicker.  He spent most the day digging fruitlessly among the rocks for amethysts. The clang of spades on rocks from other fossickers nearby sounded loud in the drowsy somnolence hanging over the scrub. Í know they are here somewhere, 'he said as he wipe sweat from his brow.
            ‘I might be onto something here,’ Les’s voice broke the quiet afternoon
Carefully he scraped away the dirt and was able to lift a huge crystal from its hiding place. It lay in his hand winking at him. His joy knew no bounds.
            Somewhere in the long ago, the crystal had formed in a cataclysmic upheaval.  It had lain hidden for countless eons, a treasure formed in the dark until Les found it. His joy knew no bounds.
          

 LONG AGO
​Somewhere in the long ago, the crystal had formed in a cataclysmic upheaval.  It had lain hidden for countless eons, a treasure formed in the dark until Les found it. Isaiah recorded the word of the Lord to Cyrus, ‘I will give you the treasures hidden in the darkness, secret riches; you will know that I am doing this – I the Lord God of Israel, The Lord found me the one who calls you by your name.’   
            I often wondered what this verse meant.  It has slowly dawned over time that the treasure spoken of was learning to praise the Lord in all situations.  Learning the power of intercessory prayer, learning to believe in God in the face of opposition, leaving behind grudges, forsaking pride embracing the humility of obedience.  These attributes were formed like the crystal in dark times.

USING THE DARK EXPERIENCES
​
​​The dark experiences would have been less than rewarding if I had refused to co-operate with God.  Selwyn Hughes writer of Every Day With Jesus, wrote, ‘The treasures of darkness are only found by those who dig – dig for meaning.’  What Selwyn meant was that life has many dark times of bitter disappointments and betrayals.  But if we dig for meaning in these times, like Les, we will find rich treasure.
I searched those dark times for meaning and the riches that I found were Christ himself.  A rich relationship with the Lord grew out of difficult circumstances

THE GREAT ONES
Milton, the great poet of his time, lived in a world of darkness, he was blind.
Despite that darkness he wrote immortal poetry.  Likewise Fanny Crosby, also blind, wrote hundreds of hymns that are still sung today, precious crystals of praise and insights about the Lord. They learnt that in times of physical darkness and the darkness of circumstance, the person of the Lord is formed in them. 
C.S. Lewis was devastated by the death of his wife.  He described his feelings as though God had slammed a door in his face and double locked the door from the inside.  Later, when his grief subsided he recognised that his walk with God plumbed new depths.  Out of the darkness of grief he was able to write a book that gave hope and life to its readers – a treasure from a secret place.
Paul the apostle was no stranger to the dark places.  From those places he wrote most of the New Testament.  His writings have spanned 2000 years and are treasured and enriched by all who read.  

INTO THE LIGHT
​​ I may have been formed in the kingdom of darkness but I thank God that he searched for me and brought me out of that kingdom into the kingdom of light as Les the fossicker unearthed his crystal.
 I can also praise God that he has taken me through the dark times so that I found the secret richness of him in my life. More and more over the years I can say with Paul, ‘We rejoice when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us – they help us to learn to be patient.’   
 
 

WASHAWAYS, EROSION, FLOODS
Ancient, gnarled red gum trees line the banks of the River Murray.
The roots of these trees are exposed by years of flooding; eventually, the trees topple into the river to become snags to river traffic.
The trees do not succumb easily to the onslaught on their roots by flood or storm; their root system has grown deep into the earth, they are anchored by their taproot.
When I was a volunteer, working in the Australian Arid Lands Botanic Garden nursery, I took over the job of growing seedlings.  The seeds of most Eucalypts are as fine a pepper.
There would spring two tiny leaves from seeds that appeared to be as pepper, and when the seedling was about an inch high,  I would repot the seedlings into a bigger pot.
 I would be left amazed; the taproot root would be up to three times the length of the plant.  The Eucalypts would grow their roots first, anchor themselves into the soil and then commence to grow their canopy., The life span of River Red Gums is hundreds of years.  Ridge Park, Unley, South Australia, houses a red gum eucalypt estimated to be 300 years. The tree is immense.
Ancient, gnarled red gum trees line the banks of the River Murray.
The roots of these trees are exposed by years of flooding; eventually, the trees topple into the river
to become snags to river traffic.
The trees do not succumb easily to the onslaught on their roots by flood or storm; their root system has grown deep into the earth, they are anchored by their taproot.
When I was a volunteer, working in the Australian Arid Lands Botanic Garden nursery, I took over the job of growing seedlings.  The seeds of most Eucalypts are as fine a pepper.
There would spring two tiny leaves from seeds that appeared to be as pepper, and when the seedling was about an inch high,  I would repot the seedlings into a bigger pot.
 I would be left amazed; the taproot root would be up to three times the length of the plant.  The Eucalypts would grow their roots first, anchor themselves into the soil and then commence to grow their canopy., The life span of River Red Gums is hundreds of years.  Ridge Park, Unley, South Australia, houses a red gum eucalypt estimated to be 300 years. The tree is immense.
​

DELUDED
 We, humans, need an anchor, a tap root to stabilize us mentally, physically, and in every other way to maintain our life like the ancient gum. We need to tap into something or someone to steady us in making decisions,  choosing relationships, and our mental well-being.
We can be easily deluded into thinking drugs and alcohol will stabilize us. We look at governments and relationships, and possession’s for security., Alas, these things are not the kind of soil in which to put down our taproots and stabilize our life.
Where can we find the kind of permanency, security, peace, calm in life’s storm? How can we be adults who don’t get swept away like gums with exposed roots along the riverbank?  How can we avoid meltdowns, tantrums, guilt, accuse everyone else but ourselves when life happens?

MYTHS AND LIES
​There are many myths about Jesus which we are deluded enough to believe. Unfortunately, our only fount of knowledge concerning Jesus is the TV, films and social media.  We have no idea of the truth about Jesus that is to be found in the Bible. The lie is, he condemns us, keeps us poor, allows us to be sick. There is the myth that we have to be good enough; we have to be a wowser. However, the scripture says, ‘God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish.’ John 3: 16.
The truth is Jesus Christ came to give us abundant life. Listen to this, ‘The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I (Jesus) have come that they (you and me) might have life and that they may have it more abundantly.’ John 10: 10.
 Jesus came to stabilize our life, prosper us, give us his joy and peace.

SEARCH FOR TRUTH

When we take the time and trouble to search out the truth, we find that Jesus is the taproot that will settle us down and provide mental and physical strength. Jesus is the moral soil that does not wash away when life sends a flood.  Jesus is the calm, the peace, the joy, the sanity in a mad and cruel world.
How do we tap into Jesus? By believing that he is and making him our savior, by putting him first in our life, by becoming dependent on him, by seeking an intimate relationship with him and maintaining that relationship. To enjoy all that Jesus has to give, we must accept him into our hearts and make him the source of all things.
When Jesus is our source, our very being, we will know peace, calm, mental well-being, physical health. When life challenges us, as it will, we will not topple into the river and become a snag for others to flounder over.
 
 
 
 

THE QUESTION?
So, the question arises, why try to separate the Christian and the pagan? What is wrong with this marriage of convenience? Then there is the question of culture? To what extent does a Christian adopt national culture as opposed to the culture of the Kingdom? But then, what is national culture when Christmas is deeply rooted in European culture?  Who then can be eulogised as the Christmas Man? Santa Claus, saint Nicholas, Father Christmas or Jesus Christ.
In the fourth century, Saint Nicholas was Bishop of Myra, Asia Minor.  It is believed that many of his long voyages across the sea, he calmed and stilled several storms, earning the title of Patron Saint of Sailors.  Legend says he saved three maidens from prostitution by providing them with a dowry, so they were able to marry well.  He then became Patron Saint of Maidens.  Another legend concerning Saint Nicholas is told of how he raised three boys from the dead. He is best known for his kindness to poor children of the time.

 ​TODAY
Today's Father Christmas has become the alto-ego of Saint Nicholas, and champions the poor and distributes gifts and largess.  While much good is done in the name of Father Christmas, his power is vicarious.  Parents are prepared to borrow large sums of money to buy their children miracles in the name of Father Christmas.  Nearly everyone during the Christmas period gives gifts in the name of an alto-ego.  Why not give gifts openly in the name of Jesus Christ?
Truth is always stranger than fiction. The strange truth is that God sent a Christmas Man. A man who would put Christmas into the heart of every man forever.  So, that  Christmas could be experienced every day by everyone. The poor would have a champion; miracles would happen, women would have a provider, and the dead could be raised.
This Man began life as a babe in a dirty manger, wrapped in bandages or perhaps even rags.  This Man draws no crowd, no tinsel is erected to welcome him.  Just a few shepherds called at the stable and several magi surreptitiously brought three gifts. Only the heavens burst open to reveal choirs of angels singing undreamt of melodies of praise.  Brilliant pure light streamed from the sky.  

​THE CHRISTMAS MAN
This Christmas Man became a death trap for a generation of baby boys, as a power-hungry Roman Emperor sought to destroy him. The nation of Israel was in mourning rather than rejoicing.  Where was the spirit of love, joy, peace and good will, that was to follow this child? No Christmas Pageant here, only a pageant of death as hundreds of funeral biers wound their way to the cemetery.
This poverty-stricken child bore the names of Emmanuel, God with us and Jesus, He shall save his people.  Incredible names, hinting at his origins and calling; his responsibilities and power.
This God with us; this Saver of his people, Jesus Christ, is God’s gift to humanity.  God presented his precious Son to humanity stripped of fame, $200.00-dollar Italian suits, and Hilton Hotels, so mankind could see the reality of Jesus. There could be no pretense. People cannot bear the plain unadulterated truth.  We must always seek the fantasy, adorning truth and reality with pretense, so missing the freedom that truth brings. 
Jesus is truth, yet he has been made a fantasy man. Father Christmas, the fantasy man is given the position of truth. There is a small cathedral outside of Bethlehem that marks the birth place of Jesus.  Behind the alter in the church is a cave lit with silver lamps.  You can enter and admire the ancient building.  The cave can be entered and a star embedded into the floor marks the birth place of Jesus.  This reverence to the place of birth rather than the Man himself just bears out the importance we place on fantasy rather than truth.

​THE UNSPEAKABLE GIFT
The miracles that Jesus does far outweighs anything that Saint Nicholas or his alto-ego can do.  As for maidens in distress, Jesus offers not a dowry for marriage but a new heart, a new life, a new protector.  During a mission many years ago, a fallen woman was touched by God.  As she heard of how much God loved her, her hardness of heart was broken up and she wept buckets of tears.  She discovered the purity of virginity again.  Jesus had cleansed, forgiven, given her a new heart, and made her a new woman.  Jesus had given this woman something far more precious than a dowry.  This woman enjoyed Christmas every day.
Jesus is the unspeakable gift of God.  He came carrying the unsearchable riches of God.  These gifts are not material, but relational, pertaining to character and the heart.  To receive, one must believe in Jesus as the Saver of his people.  There are no conditions other than faith.  Among these great gifts is eternal life,  Jesus gives  the believer eternal life.  That is why when we choose Jesus, the gift of God, we have Christmas in our hearts forever.

Over our back fence, a  building of four floors high was being erected to house a car barn, offices, consulting rooms, a swimming pool and gymnasium on the top floor.  
This massive building will dwarf our backyard and reduce our outlook to the width of about 8 feet wide.
EXCAVATION IS PREPARATION
Firstly, the existing single story building needed demolishing; so a massive machine was brought in with an arm that reached to eternity to tear down the building and load up the debris.  An army of semi-trailers working non-stop for several days carted the rubbish away.  Changing the head of the machine’s great arm to a jack-hammer to break-up the cement flooring and foundations. When a cement stairway needed breaking up,  the granddaddy of all such machines trundled in.
Excavation of thousands of tons of earth had to be removed to allow the foundations to be built.  Semi-trailers again worked non-stop carting the dirt away. Then the task of rebuilding could begin.
When one earth moving machine isn’t able to do the job, another bigger and better one is brought in.

​Maybe that was what God felt when he could not get me to look at certain things in my life. If she won't listen or watch what I’m telling her, then I’ll bring in the big machines.
I imagined I was ‘hard done by.'Life was hard, nobody loved me, I felt unjustly treated, and everything was against me.   I looked at other people's lives and compared theirs to mine and wished I could be like them because they were better than I, more successful, had a better house, was more beautiful than me. Oh dear! What a pity party.
NEW PATTERNS OF THOUGHT
God at first used a hammer ‘The fears you harbor, the patterns of thought you allow to run through your mind of self pity are the imaginations of your making. You must take notice of what I say in my Word,  ‘Tear down your imaginations just like the building next door was demolished.  The relentless pushing and squashing until not a brick was left standing is what you must do with your self-pitying thoughts. Get rid of such a mindset.’ God said.

A NEW WAY OF LIFE
​ Not happy with my mind set, God brought in a back-hoe.  He was more blunt,’ Think about good things, pure things, replace the thoughts of being hard done by with gratefulness for what I have given you,’ I remembered the scripture in 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18, ‘Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.’ 

FORGIVENESS
​By my behavior I was saying to God that he hadn’t loved me, he hadn’t provided for me, that he was not interested in me, that he didn’t know what he was doing. I was insulting the creator of the universe. When I accepted God’s rebuke and began to thank him, to remind myself that Jesus had suffered on the cross to give me an abundant life and life everlasting, the heaviness on my mind began to life.  I took heart, the joy and peace welled up from within.
My  human way of thinking was quite natural, but it blotted out the truth that God loved me, has forgiven me, and justified me. He has made me a new creature in Christ. It was a matter of accepting what God had done, how he had changed my life. How he forgave me my sins and lives within in my inner person by faith. I need to say, can say and do say, ‘I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me.’ Galatians 2: 20

REBUILDING

God loved me so much that he brought in the biggest bulldozer to tear down the barriers that I had raised against change. God reminded me that in comparing myself with others I was entertaining a fear.  I had no right entertaining fear and imagining all kinds of things that weren’t true, I was worshipping another spirit, the spirit of fear. The fear I entertained was in my imagination and needed to be demolished and made subject to Jesus Christ.  I needed the big machine of conviction to denounce the spirit of fear and break the fear I worshipped and receive God’s spirit of love.
Yes, God brought in the big excavators and fired off some devastating truths. It is all very well to say, ‘but I’m only human,’ sooner or later we have to grow up and live the way God has made for  us through Jesus.  The challenge is-  cast aside the worship of self and when the fear threatens or feelings of being ‘hard done by’ arise,  the antidote is  to say, ‘I WILL not worship any other god but the true God. I WILL not worship another spirit. God has given me his Spirit, and I WILL worship him in Spirit and Truth.